20 credit module
6/10/14 – assessment 3/11/14
Today starts a new module “Studio practice 2”. It is recommended that we continue with what we have already been working on over the summer and induction. I however am not so keen on continuing with the exact subject matter’s from those projects. I do have a passion for women’s issues/rights and so on, but I’m unsure where to go. So research is key here.
To be continued…
11 Hours later, and the ball is rolling.
My facebook status (4th Oct):
SINCE FUCKING WHEN WAS A SIZE 14 PLUS SIZE?! – feeling angry
This status sparked a conversation and a few likes. This was me looking for an outfit idea for a night out, for my size 14 figure. Google gave me links to online clothing retailers dealing with =Plus sized women. I’m sorry but I think you just called me fat Google.
This is a problem. I am already struggling with my size as I’ve never been this big before, usually comfortably wearing a size 12 (but due to medication have gained weight). I felt like shit. So in keeping with women’s issues, I’ve decided to look at Objectification of Women in the media. (In case you didn’t notice about 90% of the women in advertisements are a size 4-8).
I’ve looked at an article on the stereotypical representation of the female body in adverts. I’ve found statistics on women in the film industry, and I’ve found images. ONE of these images made me a very angry Terri:
Continuing with my research I have found degrading, inappropriate, and down right disgusting images of women for men’s viewing pleasure… oh I mean to “sell an object”… If your product was any good, you wouldn’t need sex to sell it.
I bought a FHM magazine… don’t even get me started on the bullshit I found in there.
Yeah I’m depressed. I’m on meds, so what? Not to big myself up or anything, but I think it’s because I’m to intelligent for this world. I see so much shit going on around me, so many problems, and most people are oblivious to it, or even promote it. Maybe my problems aren’t as bad as Jane Doe over there, but they are mine, and they are affecting me badly.
This is, or at least should be a reason to make work right? The whole point of a fine artist in today’s world. Thing is, it actually makes me want to hide in my duvet fort and never see the light of day. I used to spend all my free time drawing, painting, enjoying art, but now the thought of putting ink to paper scares me. It has become a thing to be harshly judged, and criticized. No longer do I feel the joy of creating images, its replaced with this anxiety to make some kind of political, emotional, personal statement of extreme greatness.
I’m scared to make work.
My whole life has been a failure. Maybe you think that’s an overstatement, but to me it’s truth. Never very good at maths, English/Welsh. Poor at science… Never coping well in exams. Being bullied in every school I went to. Stupid things. I had a dalmatian fur ~(fake)~ coat in primary school. The kids pushed me over and called me horrible names. I was never happy with my drawings, and one day a boy complimented my drawing of a bird, i said I wasn’t happy with its wing, he retaliated by calling me horrible names, and scribbling a large black mass over my drawing. Then came secondary school and things got worse. I got ill, chronic fatigue syndrome. I got depressed. I refused to go to school, I was scared of it. Scared of being judged, pushed around, and bullied, by not only my classmates, but by my teachers. One example being “It’s your own fault for being a weirdo goth”.
I remember when I got the acceptance letter for college at the age of 15, to study art. I was so happy. I was escaping from that horrible place, and I had a goal, a plan. I made good friends there, but after 6 months I left. Why? Art wasn’t fun anymore.
Since then I’ve jumped from course to course, art courses, hairdressing…etc. I never felt I belonged. I got into a serious relationship. I got abused. After escaping I found myself back in art, back at college doing my foundation year, and it was the best year of my life. I’ve finished my first year of BA, but a month into my second year I want out again. Among other things, like feeling incredibly alone, friendless, and just a fool to make fun of when my back is turned, Art isn’t fun anymore.
So keeping in mind my past, my belief that I have done nothing but failed, and lack of enthusiasm for “art”, I give you my most recent development on my studio practice 20 credit module. A big fat steaming pile of conceptual bullshit, that has no real artistic skill behind it, but of course if you have talent, you aren’t welcome in the “art” world.
I guess I just can’t be me if I want to continue this BA and not fail something for once in my pathetic life.
20 tips to become the “perfect” woman, according to the media.